Showing posts with label late blob. Show all posts
Showing posts with label late blob. Show all posts
Friday, September 8, 2017
Public service announcement.
A British friend
recently informed me that “blob” is slang for “period”. So if someone were to, let’s say, name a blog “Claire Blobbing” or perhaps “THE BLOB”, others might infer this
blog is somehow related to Claire’s menstrual cycle. Given the semi-regularly scheduled
bitching that may occur on such a blog, some might even think it a clever, if
vulgar, title. Any resemblance to such cleverness, however, is purely coincidental. Longtime readers may recall the rationale for this blog's name back from episode one. I
apologize to my British readers and friends if I unwittingly distressed their
polite sensibilities. We all can now share in the awkward terminology commonly employed here ON THE BLOB. GOD BLESS.
Sunday, December 18, 2016
The Blob's Favorite Podcasts of 2016.
I should be packing for my return to the East Coast. So instead I will assemble a list of my favorite podcasts.
I came late to the podcast train. Before 2016, I hardly knew what podcasts were, let alone how to get them onto my phone. (What is internet?) I heard people talk about programs like This American Life, but I just figured I would never know how to listen to them. I liken it to how I felt not getting the Disney channel as a kid. I’d hear the other kids talk about the shows and Disney channel original movies, but knew these things would never be part of my life. I could only pretend to also have a crush on the Famous Jett Jackson. I would never truly know him.
I came late to the podcast train. Before 2016, I hardly knew what podcasts were, let alone how to get them onto my phone. (What is internet?) I heard people talk about programs like This American Life, but I just figured I would never know how to listen to them. I liken it to how I felt not getting the Disney channel as a kid. I’d hear the other kids talk about the shows and Disney channel original movies, but knew these things would never be part of my life. I could only pretend to also have a crush on the Famous Jett Jackson. I would never truly know him.
Earlier this year,
however, I discovered the “Podcast” app on my phone and that subscribing to
podcasts is free. Who knew?
Now I don’t know how to get through a workday without my podcasts. And Will doesn’t know how to get me to
shut up about them. So without
further ado, the Blob’s Favorite Podcasts of 2016.
All Time Favorite:
FiveThirtyEight Elections/Politics Podcast
They don’t know it, but
Nate Silver, Clare Malone, Harry Enten, and Jody Avirgan are my best
friends. If only they knew
me. Clare is my soul sister
(practically the same name, Catholic, went to Georgetown, one of four girls)
and Harry is my nerd crush. When I
first heard his voice, I thought he was a 60-year-old Jewish man, but it turns
out he is a very handsome my-age Jewish man. I proposed marriage to him via Twitter when Will and I went
to a live taping of the podcast in San Francisco, but he never answered. I still hold out hope.
| Nate, Clare, <3 Harry <3, Jody. |
![]() |
| Happy nerds. |
Nate and the gang offer
sane, data-based election/politics analysis, with a healthy mix of nerd
humor. I wish more people would
listen to them. They are
thoughtful, fair, and…balanced (!).
Runner Up: Presidential
Lillian Cunningham of
the Washington Post aired an episode about each president every week leading up
to the election. It was a good
substitute for my presidential biography reading (on which I made zero progress
this year). This easily could have
been a gimmicky podcast about president trivia (did you know Taft was a
fatty? Did you know John Quincy
Adams went skinny-dipping in the Potomac?), but instead, Lillian explored
substantial themes every week (Abraham Lincoln’s love of writing and language,
how William McKinley revolutionized the presidential campaign, etc). I learned a lot and was also
entertained (see William Henry Harrison campaign song). I especially appreciated her treatment
of the more recent presidents—she examined each with an open mind, without
resorting to popular opinions and stereotypes. This podcast is just another reason to support and subscribe
to the Washington Post. Gotta make
an extra effort to support the First Amendment under the reign of
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
Best Theme Song: Dan Snow’s History Hit
I catch myself doing the
same shoulder bob I do during the Soprano’s theme song.
Current Obsession:
Stranglers
The people behind
Stranglers have reopened the investigation of the Boston Strangler(s). It’s both a fascinating and deeply
disturbing listen. Not for the
faint of heart. Also not
recommended for listening right before you leave work and walk home alone…in
the dark.
Other favorite: Longform
The guys on Longform
interview writers and editors from all different kinds of publications. Often brings on daydreams of a career
as a freelance writer…
Best Podcast Made By One
of My Cousins: NBA Squeeze
If you are looking for
some deep cut analysis of the NBA with bonus Seinfeld references, look no
further than the NBA Squeeze. I do not regularly watch the NBA, so I must admit
a lot of the analysis of specific teams and players gets by me. However, I particularly enjoy when Ryan
and Joe get into the mechanics of the game. Is the charge an appropriate call for the NBA? Shouldn’t more guards be grabbing
rebounds, while the bigs do all the boxing out work? Why do we crave high fives at the foul line? Have high fives gotten out of hand
(pardon the pun)? All important
questions. Thank you, Ryan and
Joe, for bringing them to light.
---
My full list of podcasts
is below (with assorted brief commentaries). Favorites in bold. I am always open to suggestions.
The Nerdist: my very first
podcast.
Coffee Break Spanish: a
very Scottish guy does this podcast but his Spanish is pretty good to my ear…
BBC Documentary: great
except their episodes on America usually drip with condescension.
New Yorker Fiction
Undisclosed
Lore: just wish Aaron
Mahnke would stop saying “you see” every third sentence.
Serial
TEDTalks: I have to be
in the mood for TED talks.
Presidential
Makers
BackStory with the
American History Guys: love these dudes.
FiveThirtyEight
Elections
This American Life
Radiolab
Planet Money
New Yorker: The Writer’s
Voice
Song Exploder
Embedded
KCRW’s The Organist
Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me
Freakonomics
Criminal
The Moth
99% Invisible: Is this the voice Roman Mars uses in his daily life?
Here’s the Thing with
Alec Baldwin: Alec Baldwin is an arrogant windbag, but he interviews
interesting people.
Death, Sex & Money
What’s the Point
Longform
Dan Snow’s HISTORY HIT:
love this British nerd. Great history
podcast—his World War I stuff is very good.
More Perfect
Revisionist History
With Her: :____(
On Being with Krista
Tippet: very zen.
NBA Squeeze
Looped In: Houston real
estate podcast. Gotta stay in the
loop ;) ;) ;)
Stanglers
Colonial Williamsburg
History: only episode I listened to was an interview with “George Washington”. Not great.
Keepin’ It 1600
NPR Politics
Breakdown: Intriguing
and incredibly depressing. Don’t
leave your kids in a hot car.
Decoding Westworld
Art Detective
The West Wing Weekly
Sunday, December 11, 2016
Treat yo'self.
Tuesday dinner: pizza
Wednesday lunch: pizza
Wednesday dinner:
birthday pizza
Thursday lunch: office
gluttony potluck
Thursday dinner: skipped
for my health
Friday dinner: French
restaurant birthday burger and fries
Saturday dinner:
birthday dinner party feast of cream of cauliflower soup, Caesar salad, braised
short rib, mushroom pasta, and ice cream sandwiches
Not listed: alcohol
consumed (much); exercise performed (zero)
So accept my regrets for
a late blob, but be assured I have kept the cause of becoming a blob close at
heart. And waistband. My goals this week are to consume only
iceberg lettuce and perhaps to exert myself in a physical fashion.
Coming soon: The Blob’s
Favorite Podcasts of 2016. After a short snack.
Thursday, December 1, 2016
Reason for the season.
Happy December, blobs. If we can thank
Donald Trump for anything, it might be that his victory has Fox News and
lackeys in such an orgasmic tizzy that they might completely forget to freak
out about the War on Christmas.
Praise sweet baby Jesus.
The reason for the season.
For my Advent sacrifice,
I’m going to give up our president-elect. I find it difficult to prepare a
joyful heart for the coming of baby Jesus while I’m dreading the coming of
President Trump (which is doing nothing to sooth my sneaking suspicion he is
the actual antichrist). (Relax,
I’m being dramatic.) (Or am
I…) Anyways, my plan is to ignore
him. You all are welcome to join
me. We deserve a break. After today, the Blob will neither
mention his name nor display his image for the rest of 2016. Instead, you can look forward to my very
civilized reviews of the year’s podcasts, books, and shows. Cheers.
We’ll leave Donald in
the care of a trustworthy adult.
Thanks for taking one for the team, Mitt. Let him wine and dine you, but if he proposes furniture shopping...cover your you-know-what and run.
![]() |
| ...the Satan thing though. |
Thursday, November 17, 2016
Rice, fight, never die.
Last night, as I browsed
Breitbart (as one does to court heart disease/lose IQ points/take
years off one’s life), I was surprised to see a familiar name:
Rice University, my dear alma mater. If Breitbart is mocking you, you know you’re doing something right. Oh how I love thee.
But here it gets interesting:
![]() |
| Nice try, Breitbart, but this photo is not from the Rice group hug, as that took place at night. |
Rice University, my dear alma mater. If Breitbart is mocking you, you know you’re doing something right. Oh how I love thee.
I think the last time
the internet mentioned us was back in 2011, during the Worst NCAA Basketball
Championship Game In History.
UConn played Butler at Reliant Stadium in Houston, and both teams were
absolutely miserable. The game was
so boring that the cameras kept panning over to show the section of Rice
students holding signs that said “We’re just happy to be here”. Apparently we were trending on Twitter
during the game as many people were like, “what is Rice #worstgameever”.
So here we are, back in
the internet spotlight—this time featured on the official news outlet of the
Trump White House no less!
The article laments a
group hug conducted by Rice students as “just another in a series of campus coddling events that have occurred at
universities across the United States in response to Trump’s victory.” Please watch the
video in the link and judge for yourself if this was a “campus coddling event”. In true Rice fashion, this is the most
awkward group hug imaginable. It’s
not even a hug. I’m actually
disappointed—I was hoping for a big hugging mob (not MOB) (Rice joke) around
Willy’s statue. Instead, they just
stand there linking arms and eventually start singing the Rice song because it
must have been too awkward to stand there in silence. Is this really news, Breitbart? Can’t you guys, like, I don’t know, get a life? Leave my Owls alone?
Because my blood
pressure was not high enough, I braved a trip to the comment section. Oh the rewards.
![]() |
| Interesting you'd mention "moral compass", Wagoner. |
![]() |
| Pretty sure they are still getting drunk and laid, but they are also managing to learn EMPATHY--a lesson you may have missed...along with grammar. Go back to ignoring minorities. |
![]() |
| Seriously, you don't want to know what my Rice friends are doing with their pathetic lives. But I won't be so gauche as to list them out. |
But here it gets interesting:
I'm not sure we could find an exchange that better sums up what is wrong about Breitbart. Denial of an account that does not align with the propaganda, preferencing "my reading of what happened" over "what actually happened", patronizing an entire generation and denying its value, only accepting their definition of "Conservative".
Cathy’s story
is absolutely plausible. A "can't we just hug this election out" group hug feels a lot more Rice than "omg what are we gonna do Trump is president now" group hug. Rice is still in Texas, y'all. There are Republicans there. But as Cathy so aptly points out, the truth does not fit the Breitbart narrative. Empathy on college campuses does not fit the narrative.
---
---
I'd ignore Breitbart were it not for the fact its chairman, Steve Bannon, will be president-elect Trump's chief strategist. Breitbart and the "alt-right" are no longer "fringe"—Trump has given them the legitimacy of a coveted White House role. If Bannon has zero moral qualms about promoting ignorance, insinuating anti-Semitism, or giving voice to white nationalists, what will he do when he has the ear of the president?
I'll leave you with one last bit from the comment section:
I'll leave you with one last bit from the comment section:
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| Jacktee, at least we can agree on that. |
Sunday, November 6, 2016
Bob Ross is on Netflix.
Does everyone already
know about this? Such a soothing
show. I’d like to invite the hackers
to replace Fox News with The Joy of Painting. It
would do the world so much good.
Bob Ross beats Sean Hannity and Bill O’F-ingReilly any day of the
week. I happen to have a small
Russian readership—maybe you guys can make it happen. (I know Donald Trump has you all very busy and this wouldn’t
be in your national interest, but there have to be some of you who want to
screw over Putin, right?) Or we
could just organize a national Joy of Painting watch party so everyone can calm
the f down for 30 minutes (or 3 hours, as I did on Friday).
I’ve been MIA from the
blob as I was busy with final preparations for my office’s 50th
anniversary party on Thursday. It
was a YUUUUGE success. Yuge. Believe me, it was the best party San
Francisco, maybe the world, has ever seen. Yuge.
I had a bit to drink at
the party, which led me to have some wild dreams on Thursday night (my boss
having a Velcro beard, etc). In
one dream, I had a meeting with Chris Christie and made him cry. I gave a quite moving “I’m not mad,
just disappointed” speech regarding his support of Trump. He got very choked up.
So this brings us back
to me nursing my hangover on Friday with the help of The Joy of Painting. I
am now recovered and back to the blob.
Stay tuned for my election wrap-up coverage.
From all of us here,
I’d like to wish you happy voting, and God bless, my friend.
Monday, October 24, 2016
The Abortion Portion: A Treatise on the "Pro-Life" Distinction
Thankfully, the presidential debates are over and it seems (dare I say it) that Donald J. Trump finds himself in a deep, dark, orange hell hole of failure. (Sad!) While I could comment on any number of exchanges from
last week's debate, I would like to discuss this:
WALLACE: And now let’s talk about abortion.
Donald, will your judges overturn Roe v. Wade?
TRUMP: Maybe? Yes. Probably.
CLINTON: (cracks knuckles) First off, no. Second
off, I support Roe v. Wade and Planned Parenthood. It is nice that this is
finally coming up at a debate with a woman in it. Do you think that women do
this for fun? This is not fun. This is a decision you get to make about your
own life and your own body, with your family, taking your faith into account,
and I can’t imagine why you would want the government making it for you.
WALLACE: Ah, but didn’t you support partial-birth
abortions?
TRUMP: I read somewhere that a baby can — you can
just RIP a baby out of a lady’s tummy at nine months! In the ninth month. On
the final day.
CLINTON: I think you’re describing a C-section.[1]
The abortion portion. I
am actually glad for this opportunity because I have been mulling over a blob
about the pro-life/pro-choice debate for a while now. I find the treatment of
the issue incredibly frustrating.
Full disclosure: I was
raised in a Catholic family and attended Catholic school through twelfth grade.
I went to Mass every Sunday up through college. My friends sometimes refer to
me as Catholic Correspondent Claire O’Connor. Despite the Church’s many flaws,
I believe it is a force for good in the world and in my life. Even if I were to
up and become an atheist tomorrow, the tenets of Catholicism as I learned them
will always be deeply ingrained in me. “Love one another as I have loved you.”
“Men and women for others.” “Others first, self last, God always.” That is the
Catholic Church I know and love and am grateful to have been grounded in.
I have lots of Catholic
friends and family on Facebook (and in real life). Every so often, I see a post
go by pledging support for the only “pro-life” ticket (Trump Pence) or
denouncing Hillary Clinton as a baby killer or decrying Tim Kaine’s betrayal of
his Catholicism. These posts disturb me and highlight what I believe is flawed
about pro-life/pro-choice debate.
We have a problem if the
framing of one issue—an issue that is and should be important to
Catholics—leads Catholics to vote for a ticket that is fundamentally at odds
with Catholic values. There is nothing Catholic about the Trump Pence ticket.
Their entire campaign has been to demonize the “other”—the same “other” that
Catholics are taught to serve and put before themselves. Mexicans, Muslims,
refugees, the disabled, the poor—we are meant to include them all. The word
“catholic” means universal. “Others first, self last, God always.” When has
Donald Trump ever put himself last?[2]
But, you say, Mike Pence
is a professed servant of the Lord! Indeed, he sets that wonderful Christian
example of enabling cruelty (as do all other supposed Christian leaders who do
not disavow Trump). But Mike Pence’s record in perverting Christian values goes
back farther than his joining the Trump ticket. He championed the Indiana
“Religious Freedom Restoration Act”, which allows businesses to deny service to
gays and lesbians on the basis of religious objections to LGBT lifestyles.
Where in the Bible does Jesus say “Serve others, except those whose behavior
you find offensive”? Jesus sought out the people society called sinners. He
dined with them, he washed their feet, he lifted them up. Christians supporting
these “religious freedom” bills might do well to read up on the Pharisees next
time at Bible study—perhaps the Lord might open their eyes to some striking
similarities.
But let’s get back to
abortion, shall we? Just what everybody wants.
In my experience,
Catholic education very effectively drives home the point that the pro-life movement
has the monopoly on morality in the abortion debate. It took me a long time to
even question that notion. But I once I did, I realized the debate is not so
black and white. The terms "pro-life" and "pro-choice" are
inadequate to encompass the nuance of this debate.
The pro-life movement’s
two goals are to 1) overturn Roe v. Wade and 2) shut down Planned Parenthood.
In other words, they believe making abortion illegal and eliminating the poster
child of abortion providers will end abortion. That is simplistic, naïve, and
wrong. Neither goal addresses why women seek abortions. It is assumed that, if
legal access to abortion goes away, abortion will go away. This is a willful
denial of the fact that women will seek abortions even if their access is limited.
And without the protection of the law, these abortions would bring greater risk
to women's health and well-being.
Shouldn’t the goal of
the pro-life movement be to reduce the number of abortions to an eventual zero
without jeopardizing the lives of women? I don't see them approaching the problem from this mindset. They would rather moralize the issue. I have a sneaking suspicion that, were the Supreme Court to
overturn Roe v. Wade and the government to stop funding Planned Parenthood, the
pro-life movement would declare victory, pack its bags, and go home. At best,
they would be blissfully unaware of the women who would still seek dangerous
abortions. At worst, they would believe these women deserve their fate.
The statistic you’ll
never hear from pro-life people is that abortions have decreased steadily just
about every year since 1990, and they are at the lowest number since the
government started collecting data after Roe v. Wade.[3]
Additionally, today almost no women die during abortions, whereas before Roe v.
Wade, the mortality of women during abortions is estimated to have been 17%
(and probably higher, as that percentage was calculated from only reported deaths).[4]
Is there room for the lives of women in the hearts of pro-lifers?
What if the pro-life
movement were to shift its attention from supporting politicians who pay them
“we’ll reverse Roe v. Wade” lip service to supporting politicians who believe in
comprehensive sex education for women and men? I think they
might find that a better investment with better results. But I suppose to do that, they would
need to accept that humans have sex outside of marriage. :-O
I hope this election
will lead Catholics to reexamine the "pro-life" litmus test. Perhaps
they'll realize it's a term by which politicians realize they can hold hostage
a portion of the Catholic and Christian vote. Our vote is worth more than that,
and we should award it to politicians who deal with reality, rather than to
those who would pontificate from a position of willful ignorance.
This treatise is hereby
concluded. I thank you all for your time and respectful consideration. I will
probably never discuss abortion on the blob again.
[1] Erin and I enjoy Alexandra Petri's articles in the Washington Post. (How do I get her job..) Her debate
recaps were great and much more enjoyable than the real thing.
[2] Or had “God always”, for that
matter? The man who claims the Bible is his favorite book called II Corinthians “Two Corinthians”, for Christ’s sake. If we can thank Trump for one thing in
this election, it’s for exposing the hypocrisy of the evangelical vote.
[4] 17% of all deaths due to
maternity/childbirth in 1965.
Illegal abortion was even riskier for non-white women. “In New York City in the early 1960s, one
in four childbirth-related deaths among white women was due to abortion; in
comparison, abortion accounted for one in two childbirth-related deaths among
nonwhite and Puerto Rican women.”
For more reading, https://www.guttmacher.org/about/gpr/2003/03/lessons-roe-will-past-be-prologue
Monday, October 17, 2016
I have become a monster.
Y’all. I know this blob is very late. I’m just…exhausted. I had thought I’d finish a post I
started a while ago exploring the “Christians” for Trump phenomenon, but I
could not summon the emotional energy.
So instead of getting all worked up during my free weekend, I spent the
time knitting, napping, doing laundry, watching West Wing, and eating Ben &
Jerry’s. It’s been very nice. Perhaps I will finish my other post
this week.
I would, however, like to issue a statement proclaiming that I am aware I have become a social media election monster. I can’t help it. This election has opened my eyes. It has shaken some fundamental assumptions I had made about my world. It has me absolutely crazed. Believe it or not, I tuned out of Facebook last election season because a) I didn’t particularly care about the outcome and b) I didn’t want to subject myself to preachy windbags. But now, I am the preachy windbag. I know that. And I don’t care.
I would, however, like to issue a statement proclaiming that I am aware I have become a social media election monster. I can’t help it. This election has opened my eyes. It has shaken some fundamental assumptions I had made about my world. It has me absolutely crazed. Believe it or not, I tuned out of Facebook last election season because a) I didn’t particularly care about the outcome and b) I didn’t want to subject myself to preachy windbags. But now, I am the preachy windbag. I know that. And I don’t care.
![]() |
| This is my Facebook profile pic. |
This election has also introduced me to the joys of Twitter. I now semi-regularly tweet at Paul Ryan and Chris Christie, in attempts to shame them.
It's not all trolling, though.
Perhaps after the election, my blob and I may return to a less crazed state. (Largely depends on the outcome.) In the meantime, I will offer a Trump-like apology to those who find this all a bit hard to stomach: I'm sorry you feel that way, but the other side is a lot worse.
![]() |
| Three days later, he told House Republicans he will no longer defend Trump...coincidence??? |
![]() |
| @zesty_cruz liked this tweet--not sure if he caught my sarcasm. |
![]() |
| Like I said, I've become a monster. |
It's not all trolling, though.
![]() |
| She then owned the first debate...coincidence????? |
Perhaps after the election, my blob and I may return to a less crazed state. (Largely depends on the outcome.) In the meantime, I will offer a Trump-like apology to those who find this all a bit hard to stomach: I'm sorry you feel that way, but the other side is a lot worse.
Thursday, October 6, 2016
Monday, October 3, 2016
Debate diagrams, part one.
Do kids diagram sentences* these days? I've always enjoyed the activity. For my own amusement (and perhaps for yours), I decided to diagram a few of Donald Trump's "sentences"** from the first debate. His peculiar rhetorical structure forced me to get a little creative at times, so I cannot claim 100% accuracy in my diagramming. But as far as I can tell, Mr. Trump has never been concerned with 100% accuracy, so I'm not too worried.
| That's the kind of thinking our country needs. |
| One of the more bizarre sentiments uttered in a presidential debate. |
| Palm Beach, tough community. |
| We need to abandon coherent sentences. It is the kind of thinking our country needs. |
| RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE MY STRONGEST ASSET IS MY TEMPERAMENT RAGE RAGE |
*Great resource for those of you who want to revisit 6th grade English.
**Straight from the transcript provided by the New York Times, which surely is misrepresenting Mr. Trump at Hillary Clinton's behest.
Friday, September 23, 2016
Incredible.
Friends, I have good
news and bad news. Let’s share the
bad news first.
While I am disappointed, I admit I am not surprised. I think my dress description managed to alienate all potential buyers. I did try to make this an internet sensation. For the first time ever, I used my Twitter quite aggressively, reaching out to famous and semi-famous people to alert them to the cause. Unfortunately, all my efforts got me were a) one weird new Twitter follower and b) locked out of my account. (By the by, my Twitter spirit animal may be Cher. She is full of emojis and anti-Trump rage. Not enough to bid on my dress though.)
“But doesn’t Mirage double-cross Syndrome, save Mr. Incredible, and turn out to be good in the end?” Correct. I already told you the comparison is unfair. I hate to be the one to tell you, though….real life is no Disney movie.
![]() |
| Zero bids. |
While I am disappointed, I admit I am not surprised. I think my dress description managed to alienate all potential buyers. I did try to make this an internet sensation. For the first time ever, I used my Twitter quite aggressively, reaching out to famous and semi-famous people to alert them to the cause. Unfortunately, all my efforts got me were a) one weird new Twitter follower and b) locked out of my account. (By the by, my Twitter spirit animal may be Cher. She is full of emojis and anti-Trump rage. Not enough to bid on my dress though.)
There is still time to
sell the dress. 5 hours. Miracles happen.
Now the good news. My week of Ivanka-trolling led me to an
important realization: Ivanka is Mirage from The Incredibles. We excuse her propensity towards evil* because she is hot and her boss is creepily in love with her.
*This comparison is unfair to Mirage, I know.
*This comparison is unfair to Mirage, I know.
“But doesn’t Mirage double-cross Syndrome, save Mr. Incredible, and turn out to be good in the end?” Correct. I already told you the comparison is unfair. I hate to be the one to tell you, though….real life is no Disney movie.
Friday, September 16, 2016
Women who work.
I had a very unsettling
dream last night. It was Election
Day, the result of which somehow was related to the outcome of the NCAA
basketball championship (also happening that day). Hillary’s chances would increase with one team’s victory,
and Trump’s would increase with the other’s. I was watching the game at a bar with Meryl Streep (of
course). The refs were making horrendous calls, Trump’s fans were getting loud
and rowdy, and Hillary’s team kept throwing the ball away. (Apparently my subconscious is good at
metaphors.) Meryl and I were
tearing our hair out, and at one point I believe we were crying with each
other. The game did not end and I
remember thinking “How could I have gone to sleep before finding out who won
the election?” (Sometimes in my dreams, I am aware that I am sleeping, but not
aware that the dream is not real life.)
When I woke up this
morning, I felt I needed to take action.
But how? I only have one
vote. But…..I also have an Ivanka
Trump dress in my closet. Though I
used to love this dress, I know now I can never wear it again. Rather than let it languish on a hanger, perhaps I could use it for good.
I decided to sell it on eBay and give half the proceeds
to a charity that would make Donald Trump squirm (a group that distributes feminine hygiene products to homeless women) and the other half to the Hillary
Victory Fund.
The dress sale description:
The dress sale description:
This dress is as beautiful and thin as Ivanka Trump herself. It will give you all her class and poise--you too can look effortless as you defend the your father's bigotry and hate. Be warned: this dress may make your father proclaim that he would date you. But don't worry, that's definitely not as creepy as it sounds. Ivanka was cool with it, so you should be too.
I bought this dress about 4 years ago and it is still in excellent condition. Slip is included. The outer shell is a bit shear, but the slip mitigates its see-through quality. It's the best of both worlds: sexy enough for men to tolerate your presence, but chaste enough so as not to elicit their sexual harassment.
Lovingly hand crafted by the best Chinese workers. Cannot guarantee that they were paid.
50% of the proceeds from this sale will be donated to (fem)me, a nonprofit in Athens, Georgia that "seeks to relieve the unnecessary suffering experienced by homeless women who do not have access to feminine hygiene products." The remainder will go to the Hillary Victory Fund. And yes, I will actually donate this money.
I’m realizing I may not
be cut out for sales. (No bids yet.) But please
do share and consider bidding. I’d
hate for Ivanka to think no one wants her dress.
Thursday, September 1, 2016
My first book.
Will and I went back to New Jersey two weekends ago for a glorious visit at home. My mom kindly had put all my things in banker boxes and storage bins, and was very excited for me to go through it all and decide what to keep or throw away. I didn't end up making much progress (sorry, Mama) because we were quickly distracted by the many gems we found. (I was a prolific author and cartoonist in my day.) The following is definitely a favorite among the discoveries. Please enjoy the 20th anniversary edition of my first book, written for an assignment in second grade. It was a simpler time.
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| Actually kind of looks like him. |
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| His mom, however, was indifferent. |
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| Ever supportive Barb. |
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| Pew pew pew pew look out for lone Japanese man with laser gun pew pew pew mayday mayday |
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| Happy Marrige! |
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| Only dropped him once or twice. |
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| Wait....John?????????? |
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| Back when I thought working in oil and gas meant using a bicycle pump to extract that sweet black gold. |
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| Reagan, praise his name. |
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| Definitely busy. |
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| No one will ever take that away from him. Also this was back when I thought both candidates waited for the election results together on a stage... ...Can we make that happen this year? |
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