Voting to-do list.

Alright, kids.  We have a critical election on Tuesday.  Here are two things we can do:

1. Vote.
2. Have The Talk with your parents.

The second item applies however you think your parents will be voting.  If you are on the same page, great.  Encourage them and thank them.  But if you disagree, talk to them.  I know it sucks and is way easier not to.  Your siblings may get angry with you and wish you’d keep your mouth shut (may I recommend a time other than dinner?).  But it’s important.  You may not change their minds or sway their vote, but they need to hear your voice.  Tell them you are worried.  Give them reasons why.  Show them evidence.  Don’t resort to name-calling.  Tell them you love them instead.  Donald Trump has split up enough families.  

Maybe they are also troubled by the current climate, but they think we are too far down the path of corruption to make any difference.  They’ve thrown in the towel.  Tell them how strange it is to hear them say such things, when you’ve been so accustomed to them telling you to never give up.  Ask them where we would be if that had been the attitude of their parents in the 1940s.  Tell them you will not give up without a fight, because that is how they raised you and how their parents raised them.  

Tell them what you see of your generation.  I see optimism, inventiveness, and determination.  We have big ideas and big hearts.  We crave the freedom and opportunity that is our inheritance from this great nation—the nation you will hand over to us, even if we have to claw it from your cold, dead fingers.  We will make it new again.  Because you taught us to participate.  We weren’t out there buying those participation trophies for ourselves.  You gave them to us.  You enrolled us in softball and dance and scouts and summer camp.  You taught us to participate because you knew its value.  We learned participation is not just valuable—it is essential.  Healthy society cannot function without it.  Democracy cannot function without it.  

Happy voting, friends.  

Only 2 years ago?  What a wild ride.

Bag ladies for America.

I am all studied up for voting in California tomorrow.  17 state ballot measures, 24 city propositions, and 1 district measure.  Most exciting thing I learned: there is an American Progressive Bag Alliance.  Where do I sign up?  They are fighting California’s proposed ban on single-use plastic and paper bags.  Some of you may know—upon moving to San Francisco, I was very distressed to learn the city had banned plastic bags.  My precious plastic bags.  I had amassed a considerable collection in Houston.  How would I, in this new city, find more plastic bags to stuff into other plastic bags?  It has indeed been a struggle.  It’s too late for plastic bags in San Francisco, but perhaps not in California, if the American Progressive Bag Alliance has its way.  I await the result of tomorrow’s vote with bated breath.

In other news, I will be wearing a pantsuit tomorrow in honor of HRC.  Let's go ladiezzzz.

To the tune of "Work work work work work": Vote vote vote vote vote.

Women who work.

I had a very unsettling dream last night.  It was Election Day, the result of which somehow was related to the outcome of the NCAA basketball championship (also happening that day).  Hillary’s chances would increase with one team’s victory, and Trump’s would increase with the other’s.  I was watching the game at a bar with Meryl Streep (of course). The refs were making horrendous calls, Trump’s fans were getting loud and rowdy, and Hillary’s team kept throwing the ball away.  (Apparently my subconscious is good at metaphors.)  Meryl and I were tearing our hair out, and at one point I believe we were crying with each other.  The game did not end and I remember thinking “How could I have gone to sleep before finding out who won the election?” (Sometimes in my dreams, I am aware that I am sleeping, but not aware that the dream is not real life.)

When I woke up this morning, I felt I needed to take action.  But how?  I only have one vote.  But…..I also have an Ivanka Trump dress in my closet.  Though I used to love this dress, I know now I can never wear it again.  Rather than let it languish on a hanger, perhaps I could use it for good.  I decided to sell it on eBay and give half the proceeds to a charity that would make Donald Trump squirm (a group that distributes feminine hygiene products to homeless women) and the other half to the Hillary Victory Fund. 

The dress sale description:

This dress is as beautiful and thin as Ivanka Trump herself.  It will give you all her class and poise--you too can look effortless as you defend the your father's bigotry and hate.  Be warned: this dress may make your father proclaim that he would date you.  But don't worry, that's definitely not as creepy as it sounds. Ivanka was cool with it, so you should be too.

I bought this dress about 4 years ago and it is still in excellent condition.  Slip is included.  The outer shell is a bit shear, but the slip mitigates its see-through quality.  It's the best of both worlds: sexy enough for men to tolerate your presence, but chaste enough so as not to elicit their sexual harassment.

Lovingly hand crafted by the best Chinese workers.  Cannot guarantee that they were paid.  

50% of the proceeds from this sale will be donated to (fem)me, a nonprofit in Athens, Georgia that "seeks to relieve the unnecessary suffering experienced by homeless women who do not have access to feminine hygiene products."  The remainder will go to the Hillary Victory Fund.  And yes, I will actually donate this money.

I’m realizing I may not be cut out for sales.  (No bids yet.)  But please do share and consider bidding.  I’d hate for Ivanka to think no one wants her dress.