Stay awake.

Studying for this exam is making me wonder if I have narcolepsy.

Julie Andrews is beautiful.


Stay tuned for a longer post in which I will plead with Mary Pat Christie for the sake of her soul.

Soil stack vents.

From the Kaplan Building Systems ARE study guide:

"In the soil stack, the section above the highest fixture is called the stack vent (as opposed to the vent stack) and vents the soil stack.  The vent stack is a 'stack' of vents; the stack vent is something that vents the top of the soil stack."

"Stack" and "vent" are starting not to look like words.  

The first early blob.

Unprecedented thing—I am writing this post AHEAD of time.  It is the first early blob.  I am still going to schedule it to publish tomorrow for a reason that will reveal itself later.

Why am I writing early?  Two reasons.  Number one, tomorrow is opening day for the Architects, Contractors & Engineers Softball League of San Francisco.  Last year, we claimed the dubious prize of “First Place in the Non-Competitive Playoff”, which I think is equivalent to a participation trophy.  So we have middling success.  The contractors, being bigger, stronger, and scarier, consistently beat up on all the skinny architects and engineers.  While I’d like to think architects’ coolness advantage over engineers translates into softball wins, that is not always the case.  Tomorrow we play a team of contractors, so it may be a tough night for the defending Non-Competitive Playoff Champs. 

Number two, I am procrastinating studying for my Building Systems exam (aptly abbreviated “BS”).  I’m supposed to study electrical systems tonight, but I’m having trouble relocating from the couch to the desk.  On Saturday, when I was supposed to study plumbing systems, somehow I ended up taking a six-hour nap.  So motivation has been a tough thing to muster.  I’m very ready to be done with these tests.  Two more to go, then the California exam, then I will be an architect.  Why does it take longer to become an architect than it does to become a doctor…we do not get paid nearly enough for this.

Anyways, in honor of my flooded, beloved Houston and Way Back Wednesday (which I thought I invented until I just googled it), I will close with one of my all-time favorite Youtube videos.  I remember seeing this on the news while we waited for Hurricane Ike to make landfall.  I’m so glad it’s on Youtube.  It just tickles me.  I may account for all 79,000 views.

Uniform style.

On my walk home today, I was again reminded that my high school plaid is now a staple of fashion.

Detention-worthy skirt length.

Those of you who did not live in that plaid for six years may not be as attuned to its prevalence in the mainstream clothing industry.  (Did J. Crew have to buy the rights from Flynn and O’Hara??)  Trust me, it is everywhere.  I’ve never been able to bring myself to partake in the trend.  Our lives are too short to wear just one plaid.

I searched through my pictures to find one of me in my high school uniform, for comparison’s sake.  Amazingly, I could only find one.  Our days in costume are definitely overrepresented in my photo collection.  I guess I only brought my camera to school on holidays and during Spirit Week.  (Old Lady Claire just walked in..."Back in our day, cell phones didn't have cameras and we weren't taking pictures of ourselves all the time!  Our devices weren't glued to our hands!  I remember texting before T9--we had to work hard at it!  You kids don't even know what T9 is!  Uphill both ways!  Get off my lawn!  Rarrrrrrgghackhackhack")  

Please enjoy this photo of me on my very last day in school uniform (others are cropped from the picture out of respect for their privacy and dignity).

Hypochondriacal tendencies.

My moral code and habits for health and safety are generally so ingrained that I don’t have to actively make rules to protect myself from my temptations.  The only exception is this: “Never go on WebMD.”  I am very good at following this rule in times of health, but in times of sickness, I am very susceptible.  Last night, I succumbed.

After work, I went with a group from the office to Autodesk’s Design Night.  It was very cool—interesting models and exhibits, good speakers, open bar, good (?) food, and music.  We had a fun time, but I headed home before the rest of the group because I had to get up for an appointment at the DMV (plan: get CA driver’s license, register to vote).  Almost as soon as I walked in the door, I got this sudden, sharp pain in my stomach just below my ribcage.  It was unlike any kind of pain I can remember ever having.  I lay down on the couch to see if it would go away, but it just got worse.  Commence, my inner dialogue.

Rational Claire: Stay calm.  You are fine.  Maybe some indigestion or perhaps you ate something bad.

Hypochondriac Claire: We’re dying.  Oh my God, we’re dying. 

Rational Claire: Ignore her.  Breathe…..

Hypochondriac Claire: You should probably go to the emergency room.  If your appendix ruptures, you could die.

Rational Claire: You probably just need to throw up.  It’s a perfectly normal thing our body does to expel things that don’t make us happy.

Hypochondric Claire:  DO NOT LISTEN TO THAT RATIONAL BITCH.  WE HATE THROWING UP.  REMEMBER HOW MUCH WE HATE THROWING UP?  WE WOULD RATHER SUFFER FOR HOURS DELAYING THAT TERRIBLE MOMENT.

Rational Claire:  Right, but you’ll feel so much better after you throw up.

Hypochondriac Claire: IT’S A TRAP.  DO.  NOT.  THROW.  UP.  NEVER.  SURRENDER.

(I surrender.  But still have this stabbing stomach pain.)

HC: Oh my God, shouldn’t we be feeling better?  You said we would feel better.  We are NOT FEELING BETTER.  WHAT IS THIS PAIN.  WHAT IS HAPPENING.

RC: Ok, how about we just hang out on the couch for a bit—

HC:  WHERE IS WILL.  WHERE IS HE. 

RC:  Will went to a wedding in Houston.  Relax, you are an independent woman.

HC:  JESUS WHAT IS HAPPENING.  IS THIS A KIDNEY STONE?  You should call Erin.  She had a kidney stone.

RC:  It’s 3AM for Erin.  She is asleep and getting a call in the middle of the night will really freak her out.  You know that better than I do, Hypochondriac Claire.  I really don’t think this is a kidney stone—

HC: WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT KIDNEY STONES?  NOTHING.  YOU KNOW NOTHING.  YOU KNOW WHO DOES?  WebMD.

RC:  Wait, wait, wait, wait.  We should not go to WebMD.  That is a mistake and you know it.  Wouldn’t we be dead several times over if WebMD were always right?  Do we have HIV?  No.  Do we have diabetes?  No.  Have we ever had a heart attack?  No. 

HC: YOUNG FEMALES HAVE HEART ATTACKS.  They are more likely to ignore the symptoms and therefore more likely to DIE.

RC:  Alright, but have we ever had one?

HC:  Maybe this is a heart attack.

RC:  This is not a heart attack.  This is our stomach.  Focus.

HC:  That’s it.  WebMD Symptom Checker, here we come.

RC:  NO.

(I open the computer, type webmd into browser…)

RC:  Claire, do you really want to do this?

No, but………..

HC: HIT ENTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I hit enter.  I put my symptoms into the Symptom Checker.)

RC:  Well, well, well, would you look at that?  Top three possible conditions: Indigestion, Gastritis, Muscle Strain.  And look, stomach cancer is the very last result.  I think we’re gonna be okay.

HC:  Ok, but…….H. Pylori……..

RC:  We do not have an H. Pylori infection.

HC:  Wow, I am…so…tired.

RC:  Let’s try to get some sleep.

I moved to the bed.  I’ll spare you the rest of the night, but thankfully, Rational Claire (mostly) prevailed and we all managed to get a bit of sleep.  Rational Claire does need to give WebMD some credit…it actually helped talk Hysterical Claire down from a ledge.

I missed my appointment at the DMV (also could not find passport until much later…) so I will have to reschedule.  But I am feeling better now and actually starting to feel hungry.  I might go make some rice and watch Inside Out.