A message from Sean.

The Blob breaks its regrettably long hiatus with this special message from Sean Hannity.

Stand down, you idiot fucks.  Stand down.

Such moments in history do not often befall us mere men.  The Keurig has wronged us.  The Keurig has burned us.  Your valiance against the Keurig will not soon be forgotten. 

But we cannot continue in such bitterness. Brother against brother, father against son, husband against wife, husband against husband (lol jk, that would be gay and we don’t do that on this show), son against brother against father against nephew, men against single serving coffee machines.  Enough!  What more can the world take?

Again, I say, stand down.

We cannot hallow these grounds.  Frankly, they don’t deserve it.  I call on you to make peace with the Keurig, not because it is easy…but because it is hard.  Also because Volvo pulled its ads and I’m a little afraid to see what you’ll all do next. (Oh who am I kidding—GO SMASH SOME VOLVOS INTO HILLARY CLINTON’S FACE)  (lol jk again, my lawyers are advising me not to encourage this behavior.)

There will be other hills of beans to die on.  This is not our hill. 

You have fought the good fight.  You will finish the race, maybe even all the races.  You have kept the faith.  Know that our God fully espouses our righteous rage.  Is that not the best part of waking up?  But we must return to merely winking at violence, rather than actively stirring the pot.

Press on.

So lazy.

(First world problem post.) 

I really wish I could order coffee by drone.  That’s coming soon, right?  It would just fly up to my window.  I suppose I could use one of the food delivery apps, but what if the coffee is cold by the time it gets to me?  I’m just in a big predicament here.  It’s my Friday off (two days late blob, I apologize), and I really need to study for my next exam.  But I know as soon as I open the book, I am going to fall asleep.

“Couldn’t you just make your own coffee?” you ask.  Yes, but the milk is spoiled and I don’t do black coffee.

“Couldn’t you walk to the nearest coffee shop?  You live in San Francisco—a coffee shop is never too far away.”  You are correct again.  But there is this really big hill and it’s raining.

The actual problem here is that I am too comfortable.  I’m in comfy clothes, sitting on a comfy couch, just relaxing by myself.  I could doze off any second.  I think I have inherited this from my dad’s side of the family.  We are impressive dozers. 

Alas, I cannot let this day slip by with no studying.  The test is two weeks from today, I haven’t started studying yet, and I’ll be away all next weekend for Mahe’s wedding (!!!!!!) in New Orleans.  So study I must.  I publicly resolve to get off this couch, put on my rain boots, and make the coffee trek.  Thank you for keeping me honest.