Black lives matter.

I’ve always used writing as a way to process my feelings about events around me. I can look back at times in my life when I wrote nearly nothing and recognize I was avoiding issues and feelings I needed to address. I think that’s why the Blob has been so silent recently. To truly process the events in America over the last few days (and weeks and months and years) would be to admit things about us I don’t want to admit. It would be painful and scary and sad.

But whatever I feel now in writing this is nothing compared to the pain felt by those who see themselves, their brothers, sons, and fathers in George Floyd as he gasps for his last breath.

The only thing I can permit myself to feel is shame. Shame that I ever thought racism was a thing of the past. Shame that someone can look at me with the legitimate fear that I could be an Amy Cooper walking my dog. Shame that I know people who will continue to repeat the “bad people on both sides” garbage. Shame that America continues to hold down the people who most embody her ideals. Shame that we are “led” by a man who delights in the inequality and violence.

How can we look our fellow Americans—fellow human beings—in the eye?

All we can do is give. Give money, time, love. We can practice radical empathy toward every person we meet, wherever and whenever we meet them.

We cannot give up America. We cannot give in to anger or despair. Justice will prevail, but not by default. We can only make it happen with discipline and love. Be safe and be smart.