Slob blob.

For my birthday, someone who will remain unnamed got me a book called The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo.  Being the lovely and good-natured girlfriend-ahem-person that I am, I graciously accepted the gift and the not-so-subtle hint.  I am the first to admit I have always had a clutter problem, but I haven’t lived with someone as bothered by it since I shared a room with my older sister.  And I always knew we’d be shipping her off to college eventually so I could wait her out.  Her bed would make an excellent clothing storage surface.  During and post-college, I lived with girls whose habits (abilities?  disabilities?) were at least on par with my own.  (CJ and Ashley—miss you guys.)  Once during college, a suitemate of ours, apparently complaining to a friend about how messy we were, brought this friend into the double that CJ and I shared to show off our abominable messiness.  She did not notice that CJ was napping under the heaps on her bed and heard every word.  Point CJ—she never could have been that stealthy in a spotless room.

Anyways, I know this is a part of my life I can improve and all parties will be happier when I do.  (I would, however, like to clarify that I am messy, not dirty.  It’s an important distinction.)  So today I started reading the book.  I’m only 47 pages in, but felt compelled to share my thoughts thus far.

It’s amazing how hilarious a humorless author can be.  I don’t think Marie Kondo and I would be friends in real life.  I'm sure she is sweet, but she does not appear to have a sense of humor.  She says things like, “Tidying up by location is a fatal mistake.  I’m ashamed to admit that it took me three years to see this.”  No hint of sarcasm, totally lacking the self-deprecation of Martha Stewart (and perhaps the hardening of prison).  And yet I have laughed out loud several times.  Tell me this is not funny: “I never tidy my room.  Why?  Because it is already tidy.”  Completely earnest.

Most of what I have read so far has just been promising me how much my life will change with the Kon-Mari method of tidying (Kon-Mari = combination of her names).  She has even offered such glowing testimonials for her method as: “Your course taught me to see what I really need and what I don’t.  So I got a divorce.  Now I am much happier.”  (Important question for testimony giver…did your partner buy you the book…) 

Marie hasn’t gotten to the specifics of the plan yet, but I’m sure my mind will be blown when she does.  One thing she has emphasized is that I can’t begin cleaning until I know all the rules of the method.  Marie, you have my word.

“Once you have experienced the powerful impact of a perfectly ordered space, you, too will never return to clutter.  Yes, I mean you!”