Speechwriter application.

Thank you.  Thank you so much.  Please.  Thank you.  Thank you.

I am thrilled to be here.  As I look out at all your bright, white faces, I am excited at all we can accomplish together, with my husband, Donald J. Trump, as our king.

Some people wonder—what is the best thing about being the beautiful wife of Donald J. Trump?  Or perhaps, why did I debase myself and marry the man some consider the vilest American alive?  Two words: bank account.  Oh, and his giant dick, which I am contractually obligated to mention on a monthly basis.

I don’t understand why people think my Donald hates immigrants.  I mean, hello?  They don’t make bodies like mine in America.  Donald fully supports the importation—sorry, I mean immigration of beautiful women.  Rich American douche bags need people to marry too, you know!

When I am your queen, I will work for a cause very near to my heart—the cause of all the beautiful women and children.  And I do mean just the beautiful ones.

But for now I want to address all American women, even the ugly ones.  I have heard that some of you think Donald hates women.  It’s just not true.  Donald loves women.  Look at me—I’m a woman, and he loves me.  So you shouldn’t worry. 

Please, vote for my husband.  He is the greatest husband, the best. 

Thank you so much for all the love you've shown for Donald and me.  You’ll hear from me again in a few years—I’ll have a tell-all with Anderson Cooper after my contract expires when I turn 50 and Donald has upgraded to the next hot, young piece of ass.  We can’t expect him to keep an old hag by his side!

Anyways, God bless Donald J. Trump, and God bless America.