Sunday, November 6, 2016

Speechwriter application, round 2.


Good evening.  Hello.  It’s me, Melania.  Did you forget me?  It’s been months since my husband, Donald Trump, has allowed me to speak, in public or in private, but I do so tonight at his behest.  He continues to enjoy making a fool of me, so the topic he has chosen for me to discuss tonight is online bullying.

I worry about my son, Barron von Trump.  He looks too much like his father.  He doesn’t take my hair advice.  If your parents were Donald and Melania Trump, whose hair advice would you take?  Melania’s, right?  My hair is amazing and Donald’s is very bad.  It’s very frustrating.  I’m sorry….I didn’t mean to speak my mind.  I am to be seen, not heard.  Don't forget, Melania...seen, not heard.

I also worry about Barron because most people don’t know what he actually looks like.  They assume he looks like this:


The only thing remotely accurate is that delightful little hand.  Just like his father's.  But I wish they would assume he is beautiful like his mother.  Instead, he is a classic target for those cowardly, faceless, nameless, internet low-lives.  Why are they afraid to use their names and pictures?  Is it because they are ugly?  Bullies should emulate my husband, Donald Trump.  He is proud to use his real name and picture while bullying others online.  So please, bullies, I want you to feel empowered to be yourselves.  It will make it easier for my husband, Donald Trump, to find you and put you in jail when he is our king.

I want to thank you all for supporting my husband, Donald Trump.  He tells me that I will be queen whether he wins the election or not.  I am so humbled.  God bless you, God bless Donald Trump, and God bless America.

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