Questions I have about this week's news.

Why does Donald Trump refer to himself in the third person in statements regarding Vladimir Putin?  Was this something Putin required in their secret agreement to destroy liberal democracy?  “While discussing me, you shall refer to yourself in the third person.  It will make you sound extra dumb.”  “Yes, sire.”

What other vulgar terms, besides "pussy grabbing" and "golden showers", will the Trump White House bring into vogue?  Aren't we glad we have this to look forward to, and not, say, a president who once had a private email server?  The emails!  Oh God, the emails!

Why wouldn’t Trump try to debunk the Russian prostitute rumors with a statement like, “This couldn’t possibly be true because I am faithful to my wife and find the hiring of prostitutes abhorrent”?  Because no one would believe it?

Will the Obama girls pass on their wisdom in a letter to Barron?  What would they say?  Should I write it for them?[1]

If Kellyanne Conway were human, would she laugh or cry herself to sleep?[2]

---

[1] The Blob’s ethics watchdog Will has concerns about this potential post.  W: “He’s a child.”  C: “Probably a shitty child.”

[2] I can hardly watch this interview without becoming apoplectic, which leads me to another question—how did Anderson Cooper survive?