Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Welcome to San Francisco.

(Hello friends.  I have arrived.  All is well.  Three days in to my new job—so far, so good!)

You may have heard that San Francisco has a large homeless population.  Yes, there are lots of homeless people here, some say, but they’re so friendly!  With this in mind, here is the account of my welcome from the people of San Francisco.

Monday morning: As one of my new roommates (also named Clare, no “i”) and I walked down the hill toward the metro, a woman dressed in a Santa suit approached us.  She started walking with the pair of Cla(i)res and greeted us good morning in her own friendly way:

“It’s YOU.  Because of YOU ASSHOLES, I’M out here FERTILIZING.  You TRASH OUR CITY and DON’T PICK UP AFTER YOURSELVES.”

Top of the morning to you as well, madam.

Tuesday evening: In the middle of a crosswalk yesterday on the way home from work, a man walked up to me, spread his arms like Batman, and went “RAHHHHHHH.”

And I will leave you with the friendly piece of advice I got today on the way home from work:

“Don’t forget your vibrator, babe.”

1 comment:

  1. Well, definitely more creative than the standard "God bless you!"

    ReplyDelete